Account of a 32 year old woman articulates her intimate life that is caught in the web of chores and familiarity
New York,August11:I’ve only ever slept with my husband, who I started dating in my late teens. Initially sex was thrilling and I couldn’t get enough. I’d wear sexy clothes, and try new things with enthusiasm. But things changed. We behaved selfishly and betrayed each other’s trust. My ability to see my partner as an attractive person, or to enjoy having sex with him, was irreparably damaged.
Now we are both in our early 30s, I feel I’ve changed a lot since those teenage days, but he hasn’t. I’ve spent far too many years nagging him about chores. In my view, no one can be attractive when they’re lazy and reluctant to do their fair share of domestic duties. Sometimes I feel more like his mother than his lover. Nowadays I lie there and cringe when he touches me.
We do not have children, because I’ve never felt inclined to have kids, and he is happy to go along with that. I think if we did have a baby our relationship would quickly disintegrate. It’s difficult enough to get him to do the washing-up, never mind change a nappy. I expect I would end up a single mother within a year.
My sex drive is active – I fantasise, feel lustful, and so on – but as a married woman, my only options are to sleep with someone else (morally repugnant to me), or to exist in a state of relative celibacy, occasionally forcing myself to go through the motions out of a sense of duty. It would be a dream come true to rekindle the feelings I had when we were lovestruck teenagers. I feel sorry for my husband, who is a good man at heart. I’m a good wife, but he deserves better in bed.